I had to do breathing exercises before I started this post. There are a lot of bands out there today that I don’t like (Dave Matthews, Fall Out Boy, etc) but none of them even come close to rivaling the pure auditory torture that graces my innocent eardrums when a certain band’s music (if one could even call them a band, more like a few homeless old cats meowing in tandem) flies through the air and manifests itself on my radio. All it takes is hearing the first chord of one of their horribly thrown-together songs (songs? more like an arrangement of discordance) for me to physically assault the vessel which emits it.
Yes, readers. I am describing Nickelback.
I am of the worthy opinion that they are part of a huge conspiracy to destroy the music industry from the inside out. Well it didn’t work for Erasmus so it better fucking not work for Nickelback! I don’t understand how people can actually … like them. All of their songs sound exactly the same, as can be witnessed by this charming website. REALLY? They are like a cult! They get ’em young, they attract young Americans with their filth to ensure that these kids’ musical tastes never evolve past whiny 7th grader! IT’S HORRIFYING. Nickelback is like a virus infecting the minds of the weak! They’re like the crazy fundamentalists who don’t believe in evolution coming to your kindergarden class to BRAINWASH YOU. They’re like parents who won’t let their young daughters play with dolls so she doesn’t develop a poor body image!
NICKELBACK IS EVERYWHERE.
PS: I just did a facebook search to see which of my friends listed Nickelback under their favorite music, and it is an EMBARASSING AMOUNT. I can’t believe this. I may have to defriend them, and we all know how low that hits below the proverbial belt.