Tag Archives: miley cyrus

My ideal bike would come complete with a foghorn.

So it’s been a while.  Apparently senior year is busy?  I didn’t get the memo. I’m not here to apologize for going MIA though.

Not that MIA.

Not that MIA.

What I really want to talk about is bicycles.  Living on a small, private, liberal arts school campus means everyone has bikes and that the sadly bike-free have to suffer the arduous walk, stumbling around for three extra minutes that could otherwise be saved by exerting more physical effort and having to worry about storing a giant metal object before strolling in to class.

I don’t really have a problem with bikes themselves, as they are a super exercise option and sometimes you look kinda cool on them.

My problem resides with the douches who ride them.  I’m a walker.  I walk to class every day.  And every day I almost get run down by some douche on a bicycle.  They think that since they have stellar mountain bikes that means they can cut corners and speed past, missing me by maybe four inches.  Good god.  It’s even worse if they’re behind you, because you can only hear them right before you narrowly escape bodily harm and it’s scary as fuck.

What gets me is it’s always some bro’d out guy wearing a NorthFace fleece and sunglasses attatched to his head with a string.  Is this the uniform of douchey bike riders?  I have never ever seen a stoner zoom by on his double-wheeled contraption. Hmm.

A nice Halloween costume for a douchey bike rider

A nice Halloween costume for a douchey bike rider

I’m also tired of bike riders complaining of a lack of bike storage on campus (since we aren’t allowed to have them in the outdoor hallways in our apartment buildings or on our porches.  Fire hazard.).  If one more kid whines about how his beautiful thousand dollar bike is going to get rusted if it has to be chained up in the rain, I will murder someone.  Bikes have waterproof coatings on them.  They aren’t going  to rust. Plus you keep oil on all the moving parts so even if it did rust it wouldn’t be irreparable or inconvenient.  Rust.  Bitch, please.




Filed under bikes, general


Three things:

One) Since I have made the ultimate decision to discontinue membership of my sorority (for a variety of reasons), I need something else to make Tuesdays seem more important.  Used to be, Monday sucked, Tuesday was sorority day, Wednesday was humpday, Thursday was mixer night and Friday was… Friday.  TUESDAY HAS NO MORE SIGNIFICANCE!  Poor Tuesday.  It has been so good to me in the past.  So I’ve decided to do special posts on Tuesday to make up for it’s current lack of meaning.

Two) Tuesday posts will not consist of bitch rants.  Every week we will post about something we LOVE.  It will be amazing and you people better fucking worship it.  Today’s post will be written later this afternoon, after I make 15 friendship bracelets that I promised I’d do by the end of the summer which is oh, a week and a half away.  Long story.

Three) It has come to my attention that this blog got a retarded amount of hits from searches for Miley Cyrus related things.  So.

Cotton is delicious.  Also, sexy.

Cotton is delicious. Also, sexy.

Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus.


PS:  Since this post, about three hours ago, we’ve received 600 hits.  Thank you, Miley.  Maybe there is hope for you yet.


Filed under announcements, celebrities, general, music

7 things I love about Miley Cyrus

I have a hangover.  I just chugged three yoo-hoos.  I think I like things in list form.  Simple.   I promise I can form complex sentences.  Here we go.  These are the seven things I love about Miley Cyrus:

7) Her teeth.  They are just so amazingly large.

6) Her wigs.  Who knew the platinum blonde Hannah Montana was really the brunette Miley?  Shocker to the world, especially during her concerts which feature both the musical acts of Hannah and Miley.  Separately.  As in, an hour of Hannah Montana and then an hour of Miley Cyrus.  Maybe with some Jonas Brothers thrown in there somewhere.  Oh, parents will apparently murder to get tickets to these double feature concerts.  … I’m now even more thankful that I don’t have a thirteen year old daughter. I mean, that would be fucked up.  I would have been pregnant at age eight.

5) Her father, Billy Ray Cyrus.  How can anyone not love him?  He has an achy breaky heart.  Oooh, his achy breaky heart.  And their relationship is creepy as fuck, which leads me to number four:

4) That Vanity Fair photoshoot.  In case you have all forgotten or are living under a rock, this picture raised quite the scandal.

Is she hungover as well?

Is she hungover as well?

The nation was shocked by the bare back of a 15 year old girl.  Apparently this picture encourages pedophilia or something.  Now, I am not saying that I necessarily approve of the photoshoot or anything, because honestly I don’t care.  I just don’t see how a picture of a 15 year old girl displaying her back in possibly the least sexy way I have ever seen someone’s back be displayed, while at the same time looking like an unwashed undead coke addict, could really be that huge of a deal.  But that’s just me.  The picture I have an issue with is the one with her father.

Sure, well go to the Aquarium right after I finish whoring you out to the media.

Sure, we'll go to the Aquarium right after I finish whoring you out to the media.

Seriously?  I am just so grossed out by this image that I had to share it with you.  That dude is her father.  She is 15.  What. The. Fuck.  It looks like a toned down Harlequin Romance novel cover.  Billy Ray is the Scottish rebel who kidnapped the beautiful daughter of his enemy, only to find her stubborn recklessness to be remarkably enticing.  Ew.  Ewewewewewew.  My brain is too cloudy to really process this so I’ll leave it at that.

3) Her voice is almost as manly as Scarlett Johansson’s.  Maybe she and Justin Timberlake should switch vocal chords.

2) Her first single, “See You Again,” is a blatant ripoff of Corey Hart’s “I Wear My Sunglasses At Night.”  Her second single, entitled “7 things,” is like that one scene from the movie 10 Things I Hate About You except really really shitty and lacking a quality melody.   Look up the video for it, it’s hiiiilarious.

And finally, the thing I most love about dearest Miley Cyrus…

Were I a man, I would really enjoy looking at pictures of underdeveloped teenage girls.

1) One day, our heroine Miley Cyrus decided to take some sexy myspace photos of herself with her iPhone.  We all have.  It’s a natural response.  You finally receive that beloved piece of mind-reading technology and your first impluse?  Take some sexy sexy pictures.  The thing is, we’re not 15, nor are we famous, so no one cares about our amateur pornography schemes on our cell phones.  Turns out, some brilliant paparazzo hacked into Miley’s iPhone and published the pictures on the internets!  Oh, Disney.  I can feel your regret spreading like a slow-killing airborne chemically-produced virus for which there is no cure.  Walt is rolling in his grave.  Actually, he’s been on a spit ever since someone in the Disney offices uttered the words, Little Mermaid 2.  How long until Miley is arrested for possession of crack or spiking her frappuchino with tequila?  I mean, I would.  Wouldn’t you?



Filed under celebrities