I’m going to lay it out there. I have large breasts. I don’t apologize for them or make any excuses, nor do I attempt to hide them. I’m very proud of my body, really I am. What I am not proud of is the kind of attention our society calls to bodies like mine. Breasts are a commodity and I fucking hate it. So today’s post is about implants. Joy.
Pamela, I hate you. I hate you for being a stupid barbie bimbo who contracts STDs and fucks skeezy guys like Tommy Lee and Kid Rock (seriously? How does that man get so much play?). But what I really hate you for is your stupid fucking breast augmentation surgery. THANKS. Thank you, from all the girls with naturally large tits, for helping men look at us and think “stupid easy whore.” I REALLY APPRECIATE IT. Let me tell you, Pam, there is nothing I love more than going to a bar wearing a normal shirt that shows cleavage (because I’m a girl and I like shirts that aren’t former potato sacks) and being seemingly immediately noticed by the drunk sketchballs. It’s my favorite. Thanks to people like you, women like me have to endure years of animalistic behavior from men who think big breasts mean one thing and one thing only. Not to mention the amount of people asking me if they’re fake. NO THEY ARE NOT FAKE. Just because yours are, Pammie-dearest, doesn’t mean that every other slender girl with double Ds has to have fake chi-chis too.
So why do women get breast implants? Fuck if I know. Oh, wait. I think it’s because of our culture’s beauty standards. Yeah. We females have to make ourselves as “presentable” to men as possible so we can feel better about our own sad little existance. Women say they get breast implants “because they wanted them” or “not to be sexier, just to look better.” WHAT. To look better? To look better for who? I never look at a girl and think to myself, “wow, if only her boobs were bigger, she’d look fantastic.” NO. No one does that. To me, the only feasible reasons for a woman getting breast implants are a) you have breast cancer and had to get your real ones chopped off of b) your breasts are naturally so small that you basically don’t have breasts (example: Debra Messing. But I think she totally rocks her flat-titty look so good for her). That is IT. There is NO reason to do that to yourself. And it just pisses me off.
Implant-bitches, you make me look bad. Stop it.