Tag Archives: bikes

My ideal bike would come complete with a foghorn.

So it’s been a while.  Apparently senior year is busy?  I didn’t get the memo. I’m not here to apologize for going MIA though.

Not that MIA.

Not that MIA.

What I really want to talk about is bicycles.  Living on a small, private, liberal arts school campus means everyone has bikes and that the sadly bike-free have to suffer the arduous walk, stumbling around for three extra minutes that could otherwise be saved by exerting more physical effort and having to worry about storing a giant metal object before strolling in to class.

I don’t really have a problem with bikes themselves, as they are a super exercise option and sometimes you look kinda cool on them.

My problem resides with the douches who ride them.  I’m a walker.  I walk to class every day.  And every day I almost get run down by some douche on a bicycle.  They think that since they have stellar mountain bikes that means they can cut corners and speed past, missing me by maybe four inches.  Good god.  It’s even worse if they’re behind you, because you can only hear them right before you narrowly escape bodily harm and it’s scary as fuck.

What gets me is it’s always some bro’d out guy wearing a NorthFace fleece and sunglasses attatched to his head with a string.  Is this the uniform of douchey bike riders?  I have never ever seen a stoner zoom by on his double-wheeled contraption. Hmm.

A nice Halloween costume for a douchey bike rider

A nice Halloween costume for a douchey bike rider

I’m also tired of bike riders complaining of a lack of bike storage on campus (since we aren’t allowed to have them in the outdoor hallways in our apartment buildings or on our porches.  Fire hazard.).  If one more kid whines about how his beautiful thousand dollar bike is going to get rusted if it has to be chained up in the rain, I will murder someone.  Bikes have waterproof coatings on them.  They aren’t going  to rust. Plus you keep oil on all the moving parts so even if it did rust it wouldn’t be irreparable or inconvenient.  Rust.  Bitch, please.




Filed under bikes, general