Hey! Hey, over here! I haven’t been objectified enough today.

I’m going to lay it out there.  I have large breasts.  I don’t apologize for them or make any excuses, nor do I attempt to hide them.  I’m very proud of my body, really I am.  What I am not proud of is the kind of attention our society calls to bodies like mine.  Breasts are a commodity and I fucking hate it.  So today’s post is about implants.  Joy.

Hey sexy, I can see the outline of your implant under your skin.

Hey sexy, I can see the outline of your implant under your skin.

Pamela, I hate you.  I hate you for being a stupid barbie bimbo who contracts STDs and fucks skeezy guys like Tommy Lee and Kid Rock (seriously?  How does that man get so much play?).  But what I really hate you for is your stupid fucking breast augmentation surgery.  THANKS.  Thank you, from all the girls with naturally large tits, for helping men look at us and think “stupid easy whore.”  I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.  Let me tell you, Pam, there is nothing I love more than going to a bar wearing a normal shirt that shows cleavage (because I’m a girl and I like shirts that aren’t former potato sacks) and being seemingly immediately noticed by the drunk sketchballs.  It’s my favorite.  Thanks to people like you, women like me have to endure years of animalistic behavior from men who think big breasts mean one thing and one thing only.  Not to mention the amount of people asking me if they’re fake.  NO THEY ARE NOT FAKE.  Just because yours are, Pammie-dearest, doesn’t mean that every other slender girl with double Ds has to have fake chi-chis too.

So why do women get breast implants?  Fuck if I know.  Oh, wait.  I think it’s because of our culture’s beauty standards.  Yeah.  We females have to make ourselves as “presentable” to men as possible so we can feel better about our own sad little existance.  Women say they get breast implants “because they wanted them” or “not to be sexier, just to look better.”  WHAT.  To look better?  To look better for who?  I never look at a girl and think to myself, “wow, if only her boobs were bigger, she’d look fantastic.”  NO.  No one does that.  To me, the only feasible reasons for a woman getting breast implants are a) you have breast cancer and had to get your real ones chopped off of b) your breasts are naturally so small that you basically don’t have breasts (example: Debra Messing.  But I think she totally rocks her flat-titty look so good for her).  That is IT.  There is NO reason to do that to yourself.  And it just pisses me off.

Implant-bitches, you make me look bad.  Stop it.




Filed under implants

11 responses to “Hey! Hey, over here! I haven’t been objectified enough today.

  1. Unless the procedure is skillfully performed, the results just look fake and so wrong, wrong, wrong.

  2. Kat P.

    What pisses me off more is when people call actresses “curvy” when they are just skinny with big round implants … uh, that doesn’t fucking count.

    Also jumping on the “it’s annoying” bandwagon as a thin girl with naturally large breasts … it’s not really the enviable position people seem to think. What looks sexy on a normally-shaped girl looks slutty on me, and don’t even get me STARTED on construction workers …

  3. YES. Curvy entails, uh, actual curves. Hips, too. (I’m seeing Katie “Jordan” Price here.)

    I fucking hate not being able to find shirts. I just want a shirt! 😦

    Construction workers… ugh.

  4. Billso– I’ve yet to see a set of fake breasts that looked right. I mean, I guess they can look “less freakish,” but still… ugh. I can’t even think about the idea of having foreign bodies under my skin. Fillings are weird enough.

  5. Clay Baldwin

    I love you Meghan, but please lay off the hateraide. The whole note you are saying how fucking sleezy breast implants are on beautiful women like pamela anderson, but then at the very end you say how its okay for women with realllllyy flat breasts. What’s the difference? They’re both doing it for the same reason, which is most likely to look better to men and, in turn, feel better about themselves. You have to look at the motivation, not the beautiful, luscious, extremely large breasts. I really am sorry if you feel uncomfortable, but please don’t blame pamela. “Thanks to people like you, women like me have to endure years of animalistic behavior from men”-Meghan. Animalistic is the key word here; it is ingrained upon our very souls as men and those lesbians out there too, to appreciate and sometimes, ogle and stare at them (my apologies). So when we want to blame sometime let it be Charles Darwin, not my close friend Pamela. You da bomb meghan!

  6. Meghan, at least fillings serve a useful purpose… tooth decay can kill you.

    Implants can kill you too, come to think of it.

  7. Clay, I meant that implants are okay if you have no breasts like a nose job is okay if you have no nose. To make you not look deformed. That’s all, really. 😛

  8. paul

    i like your blog. you have a style that is hard not to like but is too much for weeker people but its funny.

  9. nellie

    i like pam a lot actually. i find her delightfully tacky (yeah, i just quoted hooters) and it’s not like she’s unaware that she’s being objectified. it’s sort of like what hugh hefner was doing with playboy in the early 60’s–while he was clearly objectifying women, he also helped fuel the sexual revolution by appalling the uptight eisenhower generation. i think they’re both smarter than people give them credit for. men and women are both objectified–if they weren’t, there would be no sex. period. (i hope i’m making sense here.) i think you can either complain about being objectified (and all women have been there) or find ways to outsmart sexism and level the playing field. it is a man’s world, but ultimately, the joke’s on that cop who doesn’t give me that speeding ticket because i made a pouty face and i have big tits, the same way the joke’s on every sexist male who thinks they’re superior to women when pam cashes her huge ass paycheck. (holy run-on sentence, batman!) as long as she feels empowered and independent doing what she does, then i don’t see what the problem is. and it sucks that women (and men!) are so insecure and feel so pressured by our society’s standards of beauty that they feel the need to alter their appearances permanently with surgery, but if they’ve got the money for surgery, then they should go ahead and do it. it’s risky and often surgeries can go wrong (paging michael jackson) but if you’re aware of the risks and you’re willing to live with it, then fine. i do enjoy reading your blog and i agree with a lot of it, but maybe you should step out of judgment sometimes. pam’s not so bad, and i know you’ve got the brains to be smarter than the sexist world we live in!

    also, hi, i hope you remember me 🙂

  10. nellie

    also, i’m sorry, i think the google top is hilarious.

  11. Special!

    Gotta excuse the men for their instincts when u “Show cleavage in a bar” don’t ya think :D!!? I mean what else do you expect :D? them treating you like a saint coming to pay advice for the bar costumers :D?
    P.S. don’t hate on Pammy it’s not her fault 😉

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